The Lost Stories of Wonderland (and Beyond)
by ThatGypsyWriter
Summary: This is a collection of one-shots that won't leave my brain. Some canon, some canon-divergent, and some au's. Chapter 1: "I Now Pronounce Thee…"
A/N: This is dedicated to NotMarge as a (belated) birthday present! It is entirely and 100% her fault that I wrote this from Hatter's POV. (Lines in italics are his exact thoughts.) I really, truly tried to write it third person, but she got me thinking in his perspective and his speech patterns and well, here ya go!

This monstrous chapter turned out so great thanks to wonderful people at The Beta Branch! (Joy and Bess, I owe y'all big time!) They painstakingly fine tooth combed through not one, but two drafts of this. Any other mistakes are all on me.

Disclaimer: I own nothing but my imagination. (Even then, sometimes it has a mind of its own.)

* * *

Somewhere, in between buselators, rabbit-headed assassins, and ol' Charlie's Creepy Corpse Palace, Alice and me found ourselves wandering around the bowels of Wonderland as it neared nightfall. It had been one tiring day, as we had constantly been on the run.

("No rest for the weary, eh?"

"I have to find –"

"Yeah, yeah, I get it, you 'have to find Jack.' You know, I _do_ have a business to run."

"Really, because it seemed like you just cared about proper lawn maintenance and your hats."

"Ouch, love, I'm on your side, remember?")

We had traipsed all throughout the upside-down, weirdness of the land, and still no sign of this mysterious Jack. Alice insisted we head back to "that rabbit place", but I hoped I could persuade her along the way to meet some acquaintances. (After being held at gunpoint multiple times, I stopped calling the Resistance members "friends".) I informed her it was clear across the lake she decided to drop into but only received a glare and a "Lead the way." So here we were, dodging Suits by traveling through back alleys, abandoned construction sites and every other questionably shady place one could think of.

As we came 'round yet another steep corner that Alice cautiously skirted, I stopped – hunched over, hands on my knees, trying to catch my breath.

"Okay, Alice, we both know you're a mechanical robot powered by a super battery and can go on forever without a rest," I paused for lack of air, "but I am entirely human, with the exception of my arm, o' course, and therefore, need a break."

I leaned against a nearby wall belonging to the third tea shoppe in the last mile and stared at the sky. The bright blue sky and the white, fluffy clouds and – _Is that a flying flamingo?_ I must have been hallucinating again. The surrounding buildings swirled in my vision and I flinched to brace against the concrete tower about to obliterate everything. Never mind, it was me that was spinning.

"Hatter, if we stop now, we'll lose momentum," she said stubbornly, not even turning back to check on my dire condition.

I seriously questioned why I continued to follow her (most likely to my grave at the rate she wanted to move). Well, I guess _someone_ should stick with her so her head stayed attached to her body. It went against my gentlemanly code to abandon a pretty girl needing assistance. I might have also remembered how _generous_ the Resistance could be if I brought in a person of interest to their cause. She couldn't fault me for that – it proved equally beneficial to me and the Resistance. Besides, Alice would get to go home intact. Win-win for all, I'd say.

I hurried up to her, losing the breath I had acquired.

"Love, I lost – lost momentum about five – bends ago. I also mi – missed my tea time," I told her while gasping in sweet, sweet air. Lack of oxygen notwithstanding, the spectacular hunger pains also did nothing to help the matter. I winced as I noticed a terrible pain in my side forming from trying to keep up with Alice's fast pace.

"What, you drink that stuff, too? I thought you were straight in the head!" She went off mumbling something like, _"Great, I got a crazy person as my tour guide."_

"Firstly, we're all mad here; secondly, I don't drink the Queen's Tea, I just sell it. Not much better, I know, but I've gotta make a living!" I added in self-defense. "I meant my earl grey and biscuits. We've walked for _hours_ without eating anything. I need energy."

My stomach was making noises akin to a jabberwock, which would draw additional, unwanted attention upon our impromptu safari. I didn't know any acceptable eateries in the area, so I was left with no nutrition. I was so desperate, I'd eat anything right now. When we passed a local restaurant advertising fried rats, I decided to recant my previous statement. Okay, so maybe not _anything._

"Well, does Wonderland happen to have any convenience stores with energy drinks or something?"

"What's a convenience store? And those aren't exactly welcomed here – the queen frowns upon any stimulants other than her own. Well, more like gets head-chopping happy." I sliced a finger across my neck but pretended I was scratching it when I caught sight of someone looking. I lowered my voice to prevent eavesdropping on my next sentence. "You'd have to _know someone_ who _knows someone_ if ya know what I mean." I threw her a secretive wink.

"Of course, because RedBull is illegal, but you can buy emotions in a bottle. No problem there, makes _perfect_ sense," she said with thinly veiled sarcasm.

 _How does a colored bovine fit into this? Wacky Oysters…_

"Welcome to Wonderland," I enthused, extending my arms open, as if introducing her to the land in all its glory.

Well, it _was_ actually quite beautiful in this light. Past this concrete jungle was open land. It was vast, spanning as far as you could see. Mountains, hills, forest, the lake that Alice took a bath in – it all varied. They did have one thing in common, though: when the sun went into that in-between state, about to retire for the night, everything _sparkled_. It actually _shone_ in wonder, to put it lightly. And not that type of fake shimmer depicting what wasn't there – this was no mirage. Of course this was a famed land, a _fairytale_ , some have called it, but how else could a _story_ birth such tangible sights were it not real?

I felt a small tap on my shoulder and came to with Alice gawking in mild amusement. She had that look like she was forced to repeat something. I nodded to let her know I was listening now.

"So where do you suggest we stop, o fearless leader?" she conceded my point, and I felt the beginnings of a slap-worthy smirk in the making. She finally understood the needs of regular folk like me. I knew I should proceed cautiously so as not to wreck her lapse in anger, though.

Okay, I couldn't help but gloat just a _little_ –

"See, now you're being amicable! I _knew_ we'd get along sometime," I pointed out smugly.

"I was being sarcastic." So she finally acknowledged it herself.

 _Point: Hatter._

"I know, but you see, I'm an optimist – you start out poking fun, but sooner or later, you'll really mean it." I sidled up beside her and playfully nudged her arm with my elbow.

"I seriously doubt it." The look she shot me was anything but loving and promised _pain_. Lots and lots of it.

"Whatever you say," I countered, backing up with hands raised and hoping she received my silent plea not to harm anything important. (Which is, all of me.)

"Well?" she asked, looking at me like I was supposed to tell her all the answers to the universe and our existence.

"What?"

"Where are we going?" she snapped, exasperated. _"You'd think the guy would get a clue,"_ she huffed under her breath.

 _I ain't deaf, love,_ I thought, but I wasn't letting her dent my joyful demeanor.

"Oh, right, that! It's just up here."

"It'll be safe, right?"

 _No, I figured we'd march right up to a Heart's Hotel and turn ourselves in. I'd really just_ love _to get caught and tortured within an inch of my life before they actually_ do _kill me for helping the Oyster that escaped their grasp._

But that's not what I really said, of course. I kept reminding myself to be positive and think happy thoughts. It also didn't hurt that the Oyster I was stickin' my handsome head on the chopping block for was quite the opposite of a minger.

"Of course! It's a very secretive place. They pride themselves on not caring who you are," I whispered conspiratorially with a hand cupped around my mouth. She didn't seem to entirely believe me.

"Alright, so what's the catch?" She'd caught me, but I had to at least _try_ to fake innocence. Let's just say it wasn't exactly my forte. I was an open book, and apparently, Alice was an avid reader.

"Catch? What catch? I have absolutely no idea –"

"That's the face you make when we're about to do something I won't like." That's it – she'd pinned me.

"See, I told you we'd become fast friends! You're already learning my facial expressions, how sweet!" I gave her one 'o me winning smiles, tying to divert her attention but she scoffed, unamused.

"You've only pulled that face every time we had to pass another corner of death. C'mon, what won't I like?" she prodded, already preparing herself for what she'd have to do on her mission to the Love of her Life.

"Well… you have to pretend to be my wife." I said this with my usual flair, you know, what Oysters call happy-go-lucky. If she had looked closely, though, she would have noticed how the bravado was more of an act and less of a carefree attitude. After all, you can't just dance through life like you're in an ad – even confidant, insouciant types have insecurities.

"No."

All she said, and didn't she understand? If she was so bent on finding this Jack character, she'd have to live long enough to reach him, and you ain't survivin' in these parts by travellin' through the night, no sir'ee!

"C'mon, Alice, do you wanna sleep inside or somewhere out in the open, say, maybe on a _ledge_." I was trying to make her see the positive side of things, but that's tantamount to trying to teach a dog complicated maths. As stubborn as tar, she was.

"Wait, I thought they don't care who we are, so why would it matter if we were married?"

"Well… this place is known for being a secret and cheap place to find and/or take a woman of less than respectable morals. So if you don't want people trying to spend some quality time with you, wink, wink, then we need to be in an established relationship. Marriage is a better status considering if we said we weren't, they might think you're a trollop either way."

"So, you're saying it's a brothel?" She side-eyed me, distrustful of my lodging choices.

"No, not _that_ bad, just slightly shady. What I'm _saying_ , is that if you wanna stay somewhere warm where they don't ask too many questions, this is your place."

"Awesome, my first Wonderland lodging is a Motel 6. I can't _imagine_ what other exciting venues are on the agenda."

 _Someone bestow upon me the patience to handle this._

"Oh, cheer up! You get to pretend to be my wife, and I won't complain if you wanna, you know, _really_ convince them." I winked and flashed her my best devilishly handsome grin.

"How about if you try anything, hot-shot, I'll give a karate demonstration, and you can _really_ convince them you're in pain."

She'd already punched me playfully in the arm a few times. I knew she was a strong little fireball, but I didn't know she was _that_ strong. If I got hurt when she was joking, I didn't wanna see what would happen to my beautiful mug if she was truly angry.

"Calm down, love, just making a tiny quip." I tried to placate her, but it seemed she wasn't in the joking mood – _who'd 'a thought?_

We were quiet for a few minutes after that, until Alice couldn't hold it in any longer.

"Are we getting closer?" she almost whined, and it was as close to any normal human emotion (other than anger) I'd seen her come so far.

"Are you getting tired?" I chided mockingly. I knew Ms. Let's Walk All Night couldn't go on forever and I was _not_ gonna miss her confession of my rightness.

"No, I need a bathroom," she admitted, with a slight pink flush to her cheeks.

 _Well, it was worth a shot._

"You _do_ have those here, right?" she queried sarcastically, and I was _this close_ to making her squirm by saying something like, _"That must be some Oyster thing, 'cause I never heard of anything called a bathroom."_

Before I could, though, we rounded the corner and she spotted the wooden bar-type looking sign that read _The Cheshire Cat_ in gothic letters, and if _that_ wasn't a dead giveaway, then the girl exiting in a barely-there striped dress definitely was. Judging by Alice's scoff, she wasn't quite impressed by our temporary quarters.

"Classy," she huffed. "I already give it five stars."

 _How exactly does one give something a star? Doesn't she know a star is a highly volatile ball of gas which emits light? What do these Oysters even learn in their Oyster classes, that the world is_ round _? What nonsense._

"Well, only the best for you, _honey_ ," I said in my, well, _honey_ -coated voice. Ha, I crack myself up.

"Don't start with the pet names unless you wanna be icing your face all night," she threatened, but I've never been one to back down from a challenge.

"Oh, but _dearest_ , it's our honeymoon!" I informed her ecstatically.

"Definitely not," she shot me down.

"Was that a no to dearest, or honeymoon?"

"Both."

"You wound me so, _darling_." I acted as if she had just shot me as I put my hands over my chest and gasped.

"Stop. Now. Or, I'll punch you." Her eyes held fire which was soon to overflow, so I decided to tone it back a tad.

" _Sweetie pie_ , you might want to save the threats for later, don't want them thinking we aren't the perfectly happy couple we appear to be." I tried to warn her of the seriousness of it all. We were walking on eggshells in a jabberwock's den, and if we so much as crunched one, we were good as scrambled.

As we approached the rustic doors, I grabbed Alice's hand and pulled her into a side alleyway.

"What are you doing? I _will_ punch you, you know?" She yanked her arm back to her side and shot me another annoyed glare. (It seemed to be her default mode, at least around me.)

"Yes, I've gathered that, thank you. But if we mess this up, if you don't sell this – _really well_ –then there won't be a _me_ to punch. And I doubt there will be a _you_ , either. So _please_ , for the love of Jack, and whatever else you hold dear, could you _try_ to act your best," I pleaded, and I'm not usually a pleader, but this was a very dangerous place we found ourselves in. (And I didn't mean only running from the Suits, but I was pretty sure someone was just mugged – there was a fellow in the dumpster over there.)

She backed up and slouched against the brick wall, closing her eyes with a sigh. I paused and let her have some time to think it over. Alice didn't seem one for contemplation when I first met her – everything was ' _Go. Go. Go. Move fast and move now'_ –but as I watched her ruminate on what I had said, I realized something: Alice wasn't some superhero Oyster that had all these special skills and abilities.

She was just a _girl_.

A girl with no plan and a far-fetched hope to retrieve the 'love of her life'. And if my eyes weren't deceiving me, which they usually never did, I detected the slightest hint of fear running through her.

She was a _scared_ girl.

I commended her in my head for hiding it so long. I had never met an Oyster like her before, one that seemed so fearless about messing with the Queen, and the (not so metaphorical) chopping block waiting for her. Turned out, though, she was not as unflappable as I originally surmised her to be. (I was joyed to learn I wasn't alone in my projection of a false confidence.)

I gave her a minute to compose herself. After all, this was a mess we were both thrown into, and she deserved a say if we were going to go through with this. I watched her as she flexed and tensed her muscles, and boy, did I wish I could have heard her internal monologue. I imagined it was some kind of pep talk. In the next moment, she opened her blue eyes again and I tried not to cower under the weight of her steely gaze. (I made a note to myself to one day ask her how she did that, but I didn't dare broach that subject then.)

She righted herself, stood up to her full height, stared me down and all but demanded, "Okay. So, tell me what to do."

I had to hide my smile. I was proud of Alice for pulling it together in such dire circumstances, not that I'd ever let her know that. (I also secretly wondered where her stash of extra courage was and if she could spare a little for those who were low in stock.)

"Wow, are ya _finally_ ready to be a team, love?" I could tell by the exasperated look on her face that my teasing was not going to help the situation, and decided to get straight to it. "Alright, the plan is to play it off as a happy couple to the point where they won't question our presence so deep into the trenches of Wonderland. I need you to lie and I need you to lie _good_. Our cover story has to match up and it has to be _bulletproof_. Unless, of course, you want them to make a call that will have Suits swarming the area immediately."

She nodded her acquiesce and seemed to understand, so I grabbed her hand and this time she didn't pull away. _It's quite nice that she's working with me and not against me,_ I thought. _Maybe we might actually pull this off…_

* * *

We reached the doors – _seemed like the longest journey and it was just down the block_ – ready, at last, to brave the upcoming possible dangers that lurked behind the two pieces of wood.

I took a deep breath and urged Alice to do the same. She was really listening, for once.

I opened the door for her, as a chivalrous husband would, and we walked in, our fingers interlocked.

We both surveyed the joint as soon as we passed the threshold. Among the dimmed lights and mysteriously stained carpet were a fully stocked bar to the far left, a long hallway, presumably leading to the rooms to the right, and a concierge desk centered in front of us. I caught her eyes as we scoured, and she gave me a small, shy smile. _And now, folks, the endangered smile currently on display in exhibit A._

I tipped my head over to the bar where the only other people were and she followed without protest. There were two men already inhabiting the area: a worker behind the counter who was cleaning glasses, and an already drunken patron swaying precariously on the edge of where he was seated.

I hoisted myself onto one of the shredded leather stools and she mirrored me. If she continued like this, we might make it 'til the morning.

The worker with a nametag that read _Doug_ turned toward us with suspicion forming in his eyes.

I squeezed Alice's hand in preparation for the interrogation to come. _I'm right here with ya, love_. I hoped she got my nonverbal message. She squeezed back, so it seemed she did.

"Whatcha doin' around these parts?" Doug asked us somewhat gruffly. Like I had told Alice, respectable women didn't find themselves around these parts, and Alice carried herself in a very distinguished manner. I figured we'd go with the naïve, happy couple approach.

"Looking for Jack –"

She said it before she realized and cut herself off, flitting her eyes to me briefly, and if I wasn't already in the business of saving her arse –

"Daniels," I said. "She's really got a hankering, and all the other fine establishments such as yours where we come from don't carry the goods." I gave him my award-winning smile and hoped really hard on behalf of our journey (and subsequently my life) that this chap believed my little tale.

"Newbies, eh?"

"Yeah, we just got married and wanted to honeymoon south," I added in real quick before Alice could say anything and _boy,_ can she kick. I tried to keep a smile on my face the best I could, but I didn't know she had an iron leg.

"Alright, well in that case, we can offer our Honeymoon Suite. It's got lots of room for the newlyweds." He winked, and out of the corner of my eye I saw Alice's smile falter. _Hold it together just a bit longer, will ya?_

"That won't be necessary, thank you," she refused quickly.

"Of course it will! What kind of a husband would I be if I didn't get my _wife_ the best room around?" I joked. "We'll take it, thank you."

Doug hollered for someone to come check us in and motioned for us to go wait at the desk. A girl hurried around the corner, adjusting a thin strap of her form-fitting minidress. (Not that I noticed something like that… I'm a married man.)

"Hello!" she greeted with faux cheeriness.

"They'll have the Honeymoon Suite, Becky!" Doug yelled from the bar.

"Okay, folks, what have you got? You know, it's a very _prestigious_ place here, and that particular room is extra," she enunciated, hinting it would really cost me.

My first thought was, _Prestigious, my arse! Do you think me daft?_

Then of course, I had to scramble for a fee. I started feeling around my pockets, and shot Becky an apologetic smile to buy us some time.

 _Think, Hatter, think._

I hoped really hard that the small vile I felt in my pants pocket was enough to get us the room. I forgot what I had stashed there before an angry Oyster barged into my pleasant day.

 _It was –_

"Clear Conscience! Fresh off the market!" I held it up for her to see in a _ta-da_ fashion.

It caught the attention of everyone, all eyes gazed hungrily at the glass jar. (Save for Alice's, of course. She wasn't interested in the bottled emotions, she could actually _feel_ them, the lucky Oyster.)

Becky's hand was already reaching out to grab it, but before she could, I pulled it close to me.

"My new wife and I wouldn't like to be disturbed, except for the services we order. I imagine this more than take care of any needs we have, yeah?"

"Of course, sir, whatever you'd like." Becky nodded vigorously, just itching to receive the payment.

I handed over the prized jewel, and she greedily snatched it, stowing it in a safe below. It was probably the most expensive Tea she'd ever handled. In turn, she gave me the room key with an obnoxiously heart-shaped pendant attached to the ring. _Yippee._

"We'll even throw in a bottle of Daniels for ya, won't we, Becky?" Doug prodded.

"Yes, I'll have that sent right up for you guys. Very valuable customers, we'd love it if you came back."

 _Of course ya would._

"Why, thank you. How very kind. Shall we, love?" I turned to Alice in question, ready to finally rest after such a taxing day.

The relief on her face was visible and I knew she needed this as much as I did. I hooked her arm in mine and we went off down the hallway.

* * *

We found the suite okay – it had the same garish red heart on the door to match the key. Once inside, Alice rushed for the bathroom while I made a lap around, taking stock of the amenities.

 _Mini bar, check._

 _Sofa set, check._

 _Big bed, check._

 _Heart-shaped hot tub, oh_ come on.

Alice came out and the first thing she laid eyes on was the bath. She looked at it with disgust and a muttered, " _Really_?"

"I'm sensing a theme here."

"You think? Who was the one who got all defensive and said we _must_ have this room?" she reminded me, not like I needed her to.

"Well excuse me for trying to seal our cover." Yeah, maybe that held a little bit of contempt, but she should be grateful! That bottle was gonna cost me later.

 _If there_ is _a later._

"Then where are the rings, huh? And what about our luggage?" she questioned, trying to poke holes in my plans.

"You're really asking me about rings? Don't you remember what got us into this mess?" Incredulous, I wiggled the ring finger on my left hand and pointed at hers.

She looked down and her mouth formed an ' _Oh_ ' shape as she ducked her head.

"And they'll be too busy salivating over their new treasure to think about our lack of bags. They won't question it even if they do – they wouldn't want to deter their highly paying customers," I pointed out with a smirk.

"You've just got everything worked out and tied with a nice little bow, don't you?"

 _Hello sarcasm, I missed you not._

"I'd like to think I do, yeah."

"Oh, okay," she said, almost in agreement, but then I saw that twinkle in her eye.

 _This does not bode well for me._

"I was just wondering, where do you plan on sleeping?" She delivered the killing blow, and –

 _Why did I not think of this?_

"I figured we'd cross that _ledge_ when we got to it," I answered, all mock innocence, and darted into the bathroom, just missing the heart-shaped – _now it's just getting old_ – pillow she aimed at my head. I locked the door and exhaled the breath I was holding in. Might as well get cleaned up while I'm in here _._

I splashed some water on my face, cleaning it of the grime acquired on our perilous trek, and dried off with an extra towel.

I thought about how this started and the course of crazy events that brought us to this place. I wondered how I might be _oh-so-lucky_ to be the one escorting this Oyster all over Wonderland, searching for a mysterious consort.

 _This guy had better appreciate the woman who'd traversed the city looking to save his gormless arse, or he's a right nutter._

She cared for such a small number of things that she'd do whatever it took to keep them in her life. I commended her resiliency, it was quite admirable.

(Although I was seriously questioning her choices. Personally, any bloke that had let the woman he loved venture after him in Wonderland – no matter how strong and feisty she might be – didn't really care for her if he knew the fraction of the danger he was putting her in. If she were mine, I wouldn't've let her red-stockinged legs wander anywhere near this world... But that was just me.)

I knew I'd try to help her as much as I could, which unfortunately meant I'd have to involve the Resistance. They were the only people I knew who could actually do anything. They had spies everywhere (even in the Casino, I'd heard) who would hopefully give us some insight into her disappeared Jack. I just felt bad that they'd probably want her ring in return. It was a coward's way out, I knew, but I was just one man. I couldn't conduct a land-wide search. I was but a tea shoppe owner.

I sighed, rubbing my freshly washed face with my hands and contemplating my choices. As much as I wanted to make more magically appear, I only had the one.

I knew she'd probably hate me for it, but it was our lone option.

* * *

I must have been longer than I thought, because when I came out Alice was already curled up on the bed. The overhead lights were turned off, but the glow from the hall illuminated a pair of boots and a purple coat sitting on the nightstand. I also saw a cart with delicious smells emanating from within the silver platters. I walked over to it and saw the card: "With compliments, The Cheshire Cat." _Suck ups_.

I lifted a lid and the scents of country cooking wafted up to my nose. The butter melted atop those homemade potatoes looked especially scrumptious. There was still a whole serving left for me, but after my recent train of thought, my appetite had packed up and left. I _did_ grab a dinner roll before I cautiously placed the lid back, though, careful not to let it clatter and wake Alice. _Gotta eat_ something _– ain't no good to anyone on an empty stomach._

I wandered to the couch as I quickly ate the roll. About to get situated for the night, I halted and thought better of it. I didn't know what kinds of things took place here. (Not to mention those gaudy heart pillows.) I figured the tub was cleaned more regularly than this upholstery. Shuddering at the thought, I turned to walk across the room.

I paused in my trek and gazed at Alice for a moment. She looked peaceful in her sleep, her unconscious state erasing the worry lines I thought were permanently etched on her face. She looked almost…

 _happy_.

I'd have love to see her like that more often. Not sleeping, of course, but smiling, letting down her sky-high wall and being free to express emotion. People around here would've kill for the strong feelings she could experience, but she constantly chose to keep them locked away.

Someone must've done something to her for her to bottle them up. I'd like to meet them and maybe get in a good punch with my sledgehammer. She shouldn't feel the need to block everyone and everything out. Whoever made her so closed off should feel guilty that they've kept the world from the joy she could bring it with just one smile.

I grinned at the thought, then immediately turned away as if she'd caught me staring.

 _Get your head together, Hatter. She isn't yours._

I looked around the room one last time, and settled longingly on the unoccupied side of the bed before I headed towards the corner.

"I'll just, uh, sleep in the tub then," I said awkwardly to the room in general, divesting myself of my shoes, coat, and hat (which I placed on the chair so as not to let it get crumpled).

"Wouldn't that be a little cramped?" she responded, casually giving me a mini heart attack.

 _I thought you were asleep._

"Nah, I'll be okay. Anyway, it's more comfortable than some other places I've slept. I'll manage." I thankfully found my voice after such a scare.

"I just – I feel bad. This bed is big enough." She flipped over, using her laser vision to pin me to the spot.

 _Don't get my hopes up now_.

"I wouldn't want to make you uncomfortable. Or get kicked again," I said with childish petulance.

"Oh, don't be an idiot. Get in the bed," she grumbled.

"Well, if you say so." If I skipped a little on my way to the vacant side, well, that's just because I was excited that I didn't have to sleep in a tub. And if I jumped onto my half and wiggled around a bit, well, that's because I had to check the bounciness. Very important business, that is.

"Don't make me reconsider." Even her sleepy threats were scary.

"I wouldn't dream of it, love." And as I situated myself so as to comfortably face her, I knew I meant that, I truly did. We carried on in silence a couple moments, having an impromptu staring contest.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" she asked abruptly.

"Like what?"

"I don't know, all smug and smirking." She crossed her arms in a defensive gesture, and the accusing tone in her voice sounded a tad self-conscious, as if she thought I was scrutinizing her outward appearance. I wondered if people had found fault with the way she looked for her to act like a caged animal. (And if so, why had they?)

"You have no problem with me calling you 'love'."

"That's because you call everyone 'love'. The whole British charm and whatnot."

 _Who else have I called 'love'?_

"No, not everyone."

"Really?"

"Really. I only reserve it for very special people; people I have an affection for." I figured honesty was the best route as she saw through everything else.

"Yeah, and how do I fit into that category?"

 _Blimey, now I've gotta make something up._

"Because you're my wife, 'o course," I brushed it off like dust on my hat and settled into the pillow, getting comfortable. She seemed to accept my answer and left the matter alone. I thought I'd get off free and clear until –

"Wait –"

 _Oh, please don't catch on now. Say something like, "How am I so lucky as to have fake-married you?" Or, "Wow, you're such a catch, I just realized I should forget about Jack what's-his-name."_

"But you called me that before this whole act," she countered plainly, as if I was forgetting that detail.

"Hmm… are you sure? Maybe your memory's goin'…" I tried to make her second guess, but she never let anything go. Now that she'd gotten me in the crosshairs, it was fess up or be deported from the cushioned heaven.

"No, I'm sure. So, why?" She expected an answer that I couldn't give.

"Because –" I hesitated, weighing the pros and cons of the truth in my head.

 _Because from the moment you barged into the back of my shoppe dripping wet and demanding my help – I knew you were special._

"Because I also reserve it for angry, little pains in the arse who made me skip lunch." _Whew, dodged that particular bullet._

"Oh," she muttered.

Now I'm no reader of people or nothin', but I could've sworn she looked just the least bit crestfallen as she exhaled that one word. Maybe it was only my imagination – we _were_ on a wild goose hunt for her supposed fiancé – but a boy can dream, right?

"Best get some sleep," I chided as her eyelids grew heavier, trying to stay focused on her target: me. I was starting to give in to her pleading, and I couldn't let that happen, now could I? If she knew the truth, she'd be gone forever. I just wanted a little more time with her, if only to carve her in my memory before she went back to her Prince Charming. If she kept looking at me like that, I'd cave and tell her anything she wanted to know.

Thankfully, she closed her eyes with a yawn, and flipped back over, taking her all-knowing eyes with her.

I didn't know how much more of this I could handle.

 _I need infinite strength to make it through this night._

* * *

I woke up once in the middle of the night to Alice attached to me like a starfish. I smiled sleepily before falling back into slumber.

* * *

When I awoke for the day, I noticed an empty space next to me.

 _How poetic, Hatter. Stop being so sappy._

Alice walked in then carrying a tray with what smelled like breakfast. I spotted some wrapped food, as well. Maybe she learned from yesterday.

"Eat up, we've gotta leave soon." She dropped it on the bed where she slept last night ( _not for the_ whole _night,_ my brain added helpfully) and walked over to the dresser.

"Good morning to you, too, wifey," I announced cheerily.

She shot me a look surprisingly holding less of the _'I'll kill you'_ , and more, _'Stop being a dork'_.

 _I could work with this._

"Sleep well?" I asked without a hint of my knowledge that she had used me as her personal body pillow.

"Yeah, I guess so." She barely looked at me.

"I did as well, thanks for asking," I offered with no malice behind it.

 _I genuinely_ did, _though._

After we had cleaned up, we gathered our meagre belongings and left the key, now ready to enter the vast land again. We had both gotten a good night's rest, had food in our systems, and enough energy to resume our search (with snacks for later replenishment).

I watched Alice from the corner of my eye as she fidgeted with the sleeve of the purple coat, understanding her worry exactly.

It seemed like while we were in that room for the night, just us two, we were safe. We didn't worry about being caught, or keeping our guards up. (I flat-out told her I had an _affection_ for her if she took my words at face value.) It was actually nice for once to be somewhat open (even if it was cryptic).

Now that we were leaving our safe haven, there were more weights to be added on our shoulders. More things to worry about. More people to avoid.

I knew the journey ahead would be hard and that we might fall into danger (more than likely), but with Alice by my side, I knew it would work out in the end.

* * *

A/N: Please let me know what you thought; I'd love to hear from you!


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